Tuesday, October 16, 2012

It's STILL Britney, Bitch!

I din' sign up for this y'all!
Los Angeles, Skeletons are rumored to be jumping out of the closet this week already before pop-tart Britney Spears' trial where's she's being sued by her former manager Sam (Osama) Lufti is scheduled to begin in his defamation suit against the once "not that innocent" Mouseketeer y'all.  This suit was filed as a result of her complaining about his management skills which included inspiring her to shave her head after a Frappuccino bender and beat paparrazi with a golf umbrella, and cruise around in a pink wig pretending to be a fake British person.  Good times.  Wish she had called us back in 2008 to hang out.

Anyway, the trial just became more potentially explosive when it was announced that a former nanny who took care of Spears' children (Tater Tot and Sweet Pea) for the half-hour per week she has visitation rights during her period of conservatorship, says she believes that Spears was a victim of mind control (when she wasn't already on mind-altering drugs).  Not really an interesting revelation as Brit's probably not had a fully functioning brain since that smarty pants Justin Timberlake kicked her to the curb.

The nanny, Ms. Torres, claims her motives are not financial (even though she's already allegedly signed a book deal with Arnold Schwarzenegger's shameless publisher), but that she just "wants the truth to come out and it WILL be shocking."  Unless we find out her dad chained her to a radiator force feeding her cheese grits or that Ms. Torres was forced to see Britney walk around naked with Cheeto dust accidentally smeared on her lady parts, we are really wondering about the sincerity of the "shocking" factor.

The trial is expected to last as long as the media is interested, but as part of that community ourselves, we at Unsolicited Drivel have to ask the American public once again to "leave Britney alone!!"  Do you know how much it costs to support an entire extended family of parasites?

Here's just a sampling of Britney's monthly expenses:
  • $125,000 To keep ex hubby Kevin Federline away
  • $19,000 Per month to rent the private dungeon her dad has (allegedly) been imprisoning her in
  • $2,000 Monthly water bill (to not bathe) but maybe for the pool and super soakers for the kids
  • $60,000 on hair extensions and grooming to remove that trailer trash funk
  • $1,000 on gas to go to Starbuck's and back per month
And even worse than all of the clams she has to shell out every month, now she's forced to sit in the same studio with Simon Cowell's moobs (man boobs) on The X-Factor!!  Oh, the horror.  And it's not even Halloween yet!

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