Monday, January 14, 2013

Jodie Foster Comes Out to Absolutely No One At Golden Globe Awards

Surprise! Not.
Los Angeles – It’s not likely because the champagne was flowing, but usually secretive actress Jodie Foster confirmed she was a gay publicly for some reason at the Golden Globe Awards last night to an unsurprised audience.  Even for folks watching in Idaho.  Where she mentioned having friends and where we didn’t know they let lesbians across the border... not even to go skiing. We were pretty much convinced lesbians were only allowed in that neck of the woods in Utah, and only if Robert Redford was in town for the Sundance film festival.

Be that as it may, Foster was receiving the Cecil B. De Mille Lifetime Achievement Award but instead chose to deliver an acceptance speech for the Anderson Cooper-Long-Overdue-Explanation-of-the-Obvious-Award.  Most of the audience was also aware that she was 50 years old but she made mention of this even though we saw her butt as a baby when her parents chose to exploit it to the sun's harsh rays half a century ago. Yet this proclamation, while no surprise, was still preferable to watching any awards acceptance speeches for "Les Miserables."

We asked one Hollywood insider at the Vanity Fair After Awards Party™ for comment regarding the non-surprise announcement who told us, “Jodie is extremely gifted and would still have her fans even if she was humping a German Shepherd.... in public and even if it came from a puppy mill. I'm not sure anyone even cares if she's ever had sex at all even though she has two children whose existence she won't explain.  However, I think the general public would be more interested in knowing how with acting from age 3, she didn’t grow up to be like fellow child star Lindsay Lohan who is expected to be choking on her own vomit as soon as next year.  But even more importantly, I think the general public would have been much more interested in knowing why her long-time pal Mel Gibson seems less scary to her than the serial killer nemesis in ‘Silence of the Lambs,’ Hannibal Lector.”  And Mel's not even fictional.

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