Lady Gaga Cancels Tour; Madonna Still Pissed Off

Get well soon?

New York – Sad news for Little Monsters the world over today as Lady Gaga has announced she’s cancelling the rest of her tour due to a hip injury. But we were told the news still wasn’t enough to keep one aging pop tart from wanting to express her displeasure if she could still move her face – Madonna. While Madonna has been on her “I’m an Aging Cheerleader Tour,” (the highest grossing tour as she forced people to buy an album with their ticket) she has been very outspoken and critical of Gaga when she has not been trying to show how controversial she can be to prove she still has a vagina.

An assistant of an assistant of a nanny of one of Madonna’s hand-purchased children told Unsolicited Drivel, “Her heinous, I mean Madonna, is still jealous of Gaga, even though Gaga dyed her hair brown now and doesn’t remotely resemble her. I told Madonna the news after her 14-hour yoga session yesterday and she was immediately dismissive.  She threw a wheat grass smoothie in my face and then started making cracks like now that Gaga had broken a hip she could just go FULL Liza Minnelli route - into semi-retirement and keep marrying gay guys. A LOT of gay guys. Unfortunately for her, Gaga can actually compose her own music and play the piano.  So even if she ends up looking like Madonna’s favorite hater, Sir Elton John,  you know, kind of like a dough-boy with a Cinnabon on her head, she’d still be able to fill the stadium seats.  Did I mention to you yet that I was fired this morning?”