Lindsay Lohan: Charlie Sheen Will NOT Be My Mentor!

No wining for Lilo...?

Los Angeles – Sources close to soon-to-be-porn-star actress Lindsay Lohan say she is grateful to fellow one-dimensional actor Charlie Sheen for his recent financial assistance, but she would like him to STFU already about claiming to be her “mentor.”

A pal of Sheen told Unsolicited Drivel, “After all Charlie has done for her lately, it’s kind of a slap to his ‘winning’ face.  It’s really too bad. Charlie’s quite the survivor, as you know.  He had planned to help her make over her image and now she’s sounding off like a ungrateful little skank and he’s really concerned she’ll end up like one of his porn star ‘goddesses’ even though Charlie wouldn’t touch Lindsay with a biohazard suit on.  Oh well.  I guess she’ll never learn how to amazingly avoid rehab for years on end; how to maintain an intact septum while never giving up coke; or how to make it look accidental when you shoot your main squeeze in the arm. If Lindsay would agree to lock herself in a in a hotel bathroom while he screams at her like a lunatic from outside to get his violence fix, I think there would be no hard feelings on Charlie’s part.”