Monday, May 9, 2016

Former Governor Jan Brewer Excitedly Open to Be Trump’s Possible VP Pick

We're so expert at hatred!
Phoenix, AZ - Former Arizona governor, Jan Brewer, is very excited her name is being floated around as Donald Trump’s possible pick for vice president to make America hate more than it already does.

When reached for comment, Brewer told Unsolicited Drivel, “I didn’t think it was possible to find a candidate that hates Mexicans more than I do??? And he lies constantly! Just like I lied about finding severed Mexican drug cartel heads in the deserts of my adopted home state. I may be no beauty queen like Sarah Palin, but both Donald and I have skin that makes us look like we sunbathe on the actual surface of the sun. Donald even hates chimichangas! Don’t tell him the recipe was invented in America. I’d worry he won’t like me anymore because they serve them in Arizona and I have to admit, that’s the last meal I shared with my other favorite hater, Sheriff Joe Arpaio when we were playing Wheel of Deportation. I will never ‘play the woman card' like Hillary Clinton either. The last time I tried to play the ‘woman card’ the clerk at the Walmart cut it up like I was an identity thief. In fact, they revoked my woman card many years ago. Something about me having as much compassion for women and all of humanity as a scorpion? I don’t really remember…

When reached for comment Secretary Clinton had no words.

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