Ted Nugent Attending the State of the Union Address? No Problem, According to Satan!

Don't worry sane people, I got this.  XO, Satan.

Hell – The Prince of Darkness, Satan, stated to Unsolicited Drivel today that people who are “up in arms”…(get it?) over one time rocker and now permanently mentally unhinged gun-nut Ted Nugent attending Obama’s State of the Union Address tonight should just chill already. That’s something that Satan doesn’t say lightly either – “chill.”

Rep. Steve Stockman (R) of Texas announced Monday that he didn’t believe there would be enough insane people who only cared about killing stuff (including President Obama) attending tonight's address and offered Nugent a ticket in the nose bleed seats for the President’s speech about why we are not going to live have through another shit-storm the next 1 to 4 years.

Lucifer told us, “I know what you are thinking! If I was truly good at my job I would have set Ted up as Dick Cheney’s favorite hunting buddy by now. But in reality, Dick can’t even leave his mansion now for fear of being shot or dragged by a pick-up truck by an Iraqi war veteran across U.S. lines to be charged as a war criminal. But I have very special plans for Ted when he gets here.  I plan to make him bunk with a singer who is basically the anti-Ted, except for being a total asshole - Pat Boone. And since Boone is a fellow Obama hater yet thinks any guy who has hair that covers their ears is a fag, he’ll be continually cursing Ted to get AIDS and die all over again.  It’s a win-win.  That should get the Motor City Madman to STFU for once. I have my hopes anyway.”

Pat Boone Insists Obama Can’t Possibly Be American

The pop music version of Donald Trump (complete with weird hair), 50s crooner Pat Boone, has hopped on a “crazy train” that has nothing to do with his hit song to slam President Obama’s birth certificate, labeling it a “Photoshopped fraud.”

In an interview this week with The Birther Chronicle, Boone stated, “I was in Kenya about a year ago trying to convince them they’d all get AIDS if they didn’t join the Church of Christ and they said of Obama, ‘you know that guy’s from here.’  I believe that.  It explains why he’s hiding his birth records.  Also, he’s absolutely nothing like the only black guy I know – Little Richard. They couldn’t have less in common.  And Obama doesn’t even act like a bleeding heart liberal Democrat at all!  We don’t have black Republicans in this country either!!  Herman Cain, Michael Steele and that Alan Keyes fellow are all paid tokens to add diversity to our party.  The ghost of Ronald Reagan told me so.   And the only explanation for Obama’s constantly negotiating with the rich lawmakers who are in control of this country is that he’s some sort of high brow Kenyan Prince.  A Kenyan Prince who reads the Koran no less!!”