I Never Wore That Pink Ribbon

And Susan G. Komen didn't come up with the concept. But they'd probably sue you if you used the word "cure" in your ad copy. I don't know why people are so surprised by this conservative organization finally showing its true color(red). Please note the link in the blog roll to donate to Planned Parenthood at the right.

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Rick Perry Vows to Defund Childhood

As soon as the baby gets this big,
it has a future at Taco Bell.

Austin - Texas Governor and GOP presidential hopeful Rick Perry is behind on ruining childhoods lately and has pledged to do better by making sure that as many unplanned children are born as possible by defunding Planned Parenthood.

Perry became the sixth extremist candidate to sign an anti-abortion pledge from the Susan B. Anthony list and his supporters believe it will help him in his efforts to win the “best creator of future low-wage job holders” award among the GOP field.

A spokesperson for the Governor told Unsolicited Drivel, “Rick’s relaxing his stance on ruining childhoods by mandating poisonous vaccines, so we decided that it’s best he go back to doing it the old fashioned way – by forcing Americans to go through with unplanned pregnancies which will drive them into poverty and decrease their children's opportunities to ever have enough higher-level education to earn more than $7.25 per hour.  We can’t guarantee a poor education just because we don’t teach the kids to read no more.  Some of ‘em figure it out for themselves.  Governor Perry has more than doubled the number of Texans working for minimum wage in only 3 years, which means his job creation record stands at nearly a 150% success rate.  And with all of them new babies getting born, his record will only get better.  We pray for as much. Suck on that Ron Paul!”

LensCrafters to Michele Bachmann: What, Are You Blind?

LenCrafters, the fine folks who bring you a reasonable facsimile of your eyeglass prescription in just an hour, are none too pleased that Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) used their name to make a comparison in a recent speech.

The Tea Party’s self-proclaimed superstar told a captive audience of possible dunces, "The executive director of Planned Parenthood in Illinois said they want to become the LensCrafters of big abortion in Illinois."

In an ironic twist, we must also point out that CNN has reported that Planned Parenthood Illinois CEO Steve Trombley actually said in 2008, "I like to think of Planned Parenthood as the LensCrafters of family planning.”

But despite the fact that neither Trombley’s or Bachmann’s comments made much sense, LensCrafters still did not appreciate the comparison. 

One disgruntled rep for the speedy eyeglass maker told us, “Ms. Bachmann is using our name without our knowledge, or our permission.  Plus, she’s got crazy eyes.  We don’t want our customers to affiliate us with that mentally unhinged look.  And I have no idea what the Planned Parenthood reference means.  They provide a wide variety of women’s health services and we just make glasses.  And order contacts.  Unless, maybe is it because they can guarantee abortions in just an hour? Whatever.  I just hope neither one of them expects us to honor their coupons.”

Fetuses May Cause U.S. Government Shutdown

Washington, DC – Negotiators are said to be almost 70% in agreement, but it’s still possible we may have a government shutdown come Saturday morning, and the fight over funding Planned Parenthood could be a major factor.

House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) stayed up waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past his bedtime last night (7:30) arguing against “Title X,” which details funding for the family planning organization by the federal government.

Boehner told Democratic Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, “Republicans do not plan families.  Families are a gift from God, should he think we are deserving of them.   So, there's never a reason for abortion.   Also, it’s not any of my party’s business whether or not a woman CHOOSES to get screened in time for reproductive cancers so she doesn’t die prematurely.  So we should just bankrupt Planned Parenthood already, okay? Damn, I'm tired.”

Clearly, this Republican opposition to Planned Parenthood funding is another flagrant display of their preference for the company of unborn fetuses over humans living outside the womb.  Perhaps this fondness is because unborn fetuses cannot read a newspaper to express an opinion and speak for themselves.  However, we have some very tragic news.   As we were writing this article, we just received a report over the newswire that a pregnant woman in Boehner’s district in Ohio was kicked to death by her unborn fetus this morning upon his hearing about this government impasse over Planned Parenthood.  The non-profit organization was responsible for his prenatal care,  so the family believes he committed this heinous crime so he wouldn’t have to be born into a country seeming to consist entirely of complete boneheads and that the mother probably shouldn’t have sat so close to her TV.  Not with MSNBC on anyway.

EDITOR'S NOTE: CLICK HERE for an accurate chart of what Planned Parenthood really does.