Southwest Airlines Apologizes to Not So Silent Blob

Oakland - Now that “Silent Bob” is able to blog, director Kevin Smith sparked a huge debate about airline policies over the weekend after being kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight out of Oakland for exceeding their customer weight policy.  The director, who is rumored to have eaten an amount of French fries, donuts, potato chips, cupcakes, pork rinds, candy bars, and pretzels with a Mountain Dew chaser, daily, in accordance with matching the calculated  losses per theater/per screen for his last film took to his Twitter account to spout off about the airline ouster.  Smith made no (seemingly now invisible) bones about the fact that he knows he’s fat, but felt Southwest was out of line for waiting to force him to leave the plane until after he had had to use all of the force of well…say, a deity from his film “Dogma” to fasten his seatbelt.  The director maintained that he broke no regulations and posed no safety risk.  Particularly, he was no risk in comparison to someone with plastic explosives packed into their prostate or even airline food for that matter.  Southwest is one of the many airlines which require that their customers who cannot fit into one seat comfortably need to purchase two, but does not provide a convenient downloadable PDF of a tape measure for easy ass-fat assessment that one can print out at home (those bastards).  Southwest apologized to Mr. Smith for this error and for their policy that they have had in effect for only 25 years.  An organization called the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance has called for a boycott of Southwest, but has yet to confirm if they are willing to cram their asses into a theater seat long enough to get through “Zach and Miri Make A Porno” to further their cause.