Companies are People, Too - Really Bad People

Washington, DC - In the wake of the recent Supreme Court ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission, which allowed corporations to give money to political campaigns as if they were people, companies are stretching the boundaries of what they can do which in the past was done only by actual real human beings. On Tuesday, AIG cut in line at the movies, saying to all the people standing behind it "I'm too big to wait." On Thursday, Bank of America failed to pay its fair share of a dinner for 6 friends at TGI Friday's, saying, "just because I have money doesn't mean I want to spend it, and anyway, I only had one jalapeno popper." On Friday, Goldman Sachs was caught taking money from Mom's purse, which act it denied, saying, "who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?" Next up: Wal-Mart puts out press release announcing its intentions to fart in church.

Posted by: GMan