In a move sure to stun deer not already in headlights all around the county, the Texas Education Board has approved sweeping changes to its school textbooks, requiring them to imply a more Christian beginning to the United States than the Founding Fathers ever intended. The move is significant, because Texas is the largest purchaser of textbooks and publishers often gear textbooks for all states based on the Lone Star state's purchases. "We basically warnt to put Gawrd back square in the center of 'Merica wharr he's allus 'alonged," said Cray Z. Sumbich, chair of the board, which approved the removal of Thomas Jefferson and the addition of religious figure John Calvin as the main figure drafting up the U.S. Constitution, a justification of McCarthyism as having been a good thing, in addition to making claims that the Women's Suffrage and Civil Rights movements were lead by white men.
The move does not guarantee the changes will happen, they still have to be approved, but "we have the biggest set of balls, the stupidest brains, and the most money in the union, so chances are good we'll git'r'done" Sumbich said.
Reactions from border states have been swift - Louisiana moved over to the other side of Mississippi and left no forwarding address, New Mexico pretended to speak no English when passing Texas in the street, and even nutty Oklahoma, the state of Timothy McVeigh, stopped returning Texas' calls.
In a possibly related story, all hat manufacturers in the US stated that they will no longer sell hats in less than 20-gallon size.
Posted by: GMan
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