Impromptu Muppet Wedding Ends Years of Speculation

Washington, DC – One of these things is like the other. Hundreds of gay men and lesbians lined up amid heavy security yesterday hoping to join other same sex couples, including muppets and cartoons in an unparalleled wedding march on the first day same sex unions were legal in our nation’s capitol. Included in the throng were long-term, sexually ambiguous, felt-covered roommates, Bert and Ernie. While viewers often speculated the duo could be gay, the poorly decorated bedroom and poorly styled hair they shared seemed evidence enough the two could more easily be straight. Seeing Ernie dressed in a Vera Wang silk finally put to rest questions that have been circulating for over 40 years. Rubber Duckie served as best man, and groom Bert was so joyous he almost managed to force a grimace for the anxious press. Also hitched were Mayor McCheese and the real Grimace, Heckel and Jeckel, The Count and the Gonna Paint a Five Guy, Tom and Jerry, Chip and Dale and of course, Popeye and Brutus.