List of Those Groped Grows as House Drops Ethics Investigation of Massa

Washington, DC – Less than a week after they began, the House ethics committee has decided to end its investigation of Representative Erica Massa, D. - NY,  and his alleged sexual harassment of male staffers.  They concluded that due to him resigning, they wouldn’t be able to punish him, so they decided they might as well to go back to finding other ways to waste America’s tax dollars. Recent allegations by a fellow midshipman about an incident while he was in the Navy, prompted Massa’s resignation from Congress this Monday.  He offered, "There is no doubt in my mind that I did in fact, use language in the privacy of my own home and in my inner office that, after 24 years in the navy, might make a Chief Petty Officer feel uncomfortable. In fact, there is no doubt that this ethics issue is my fault and mine alone."  The timing of his resignation was fortuitous as the list of those he apparently groped continues to grow.  Insiders claim that in addition to those in the Navy, later this week we will also learn of Massa's propensity to grope construction workers, police, Native Americans,  cowboys, bikers and those in all other branches of our armed services.  In the meantime, Massa has refused to come out publicly as being gay.  Supposedly, the House Republicans are rumored to have offered to lend a hand of support if Massa chooses to switch parties, as they believe they are currently running low on self-hating, closeted, gay Republican sexual harassers with the loss of Mark Foley.  At least they think they are.