Stewart a Stalker?

New York – A bitter ex-pal, who was kicked to the imported Irish cobblestone after testifying against Martha Stewart in her Imclone stock scandal trial, has come out with a “tell-all” book suggesting that Martha is less than successful with men.  Not exactly “Play Misty for Me” material, but not shy either.  In “Martha, Martha, Martha – Why Does It Always Have to be About Martha?” the anonymous author claims to have been extremely close to the domestic diva for 20 years before being ousted from her inner circle.  She said that after her divorce, Stewart spent time “stalking” wealthy men in the Hamptons.  She added, “she could be really naïve with men.  She slept with an inside trader who was engaged, and she actually thought he would leave his fiancée for her.  She’d show up at his door and have her assistant ring his bell for hours on end, only to be ignored.  Even after she would adorn the door with a hand made Turkish Bay Leaf wreath with sustainable Bamboo fiber grosgrain ribbon she had woven herself.”  The explosive book comes out tomorrow, and Stewart has refused to speak publicly on the accusation of her being human.  One of her minions did offer this, “I’m sure that this really hurts her and if she were willing to admit it, she would tell you that hurts even more than twisting one’s duck-booted ankle while stepping in a frosted-over gopher hole at an early morning fox hunt in a misty valley after some cold Bloody Marys served with organic celery garnishes with the leaves cut out like snowflakes.  Or, something like that.”