Wholesome American Values = Serious Swag?

Los Angeles – Sarah Palin may have just signed a second book deal to write a tome about American values, but some of us may be scratching our heads about what those values could be after her trip to Hollywood this week.  Tuesday night, Sarah may have cemented her promising career as a stand-up comedian on the Jay Leno Show, but afterwards, she’s rumored to have used her virtues and strengths to take a good chunk of Hollywood with her.   Apparently, they don’t have Oscar swag bags in the Heartland and Palin and her daughter Willow were quite captivated by this lush celebrity ritual while looting the Oscar gifting suite.  Willow even reportedly received a styling treatment from Jennifer Aniston’s favorite choice, The Chris McMillan Salon.  No photos were available to see if after a 45-minute blow dry, Willow’s hair was suitably stick straight with the texture of the finest straw.  Palin was supposedly going to give $1,700 worth of her gifts to the Red Cross to help earthquake victims in Haiti and Chile.  E! Online is insistent that she did not give up any of her swag.  This is problematic on two levels: 1) The last time we checked, good old-fashioned values were not represented by the desire for items like $800 sheep placenta face cream or $600 espresso machines.  (Maybe the Tea Party picked the items out for her without her knowledge???)   2) Now that an earthquake has hit in Taiwan this morning, there is going to be an even greater need for more charitable donations because the music industry is totally running out of corporate-fabricated cheesy pop stars to record relief records.