“Bring Your Kid To Work Day” Finally Goes too Far

New York — If it wasn’t bad enough that airlines are charging you the equivalent of what it would cost you to buy a kid on the black market to check baggage on domestic flights, now they’ve got actual KIDS directing air traffic control.  F.A.A. investigators have confirmed worries that a small child may have been directing planes from an air traffic runway tower at John F. Kennedy International airport last month.  Their first clue came when the recorded transmission played for investigators revealed an extremely meek voice declaring, “goo, goo ga, ga, Elmo say, JetBlue cleared for take-off.”  “That’s what you get guys, when everybody at daycare has the chicken pox,” said an adult male shortly thereafter, presumed to be the boy’s father.  The Federal Aviation Administration said it had suspended the air traffic controller involved in the incident and did not condone such behavior.  While only licensed controllers are permitted to clear planes for takeoff and landing, there are those who might question whether an adult supervised toddler still might seem more qualified to guarantee air safety than airline pilots who fly 150 miles off course without even noticing due to them wanting to bitch-slap each other senseless over airline policies.