Bush’s Book to Hopefully Explain His Decisions

New York – The publisher of President George W. Bush’s memoir, “Decision Points” unveiled the cover design over the weekend and set a release date of November 9th. Bush has said that he did not plan a traditional memoir, but would instead highlight the major decisions he made in his life based upon how they would affect George W. Bush. Uh, we meant to say the American people. So, don’t get any ideas about feeling better about yourself after reading it because you were not as much of a disappointment to your daddy as you never learned how to snort coke off of your Beamer dashboard while crashing into a tree, or managed to become even more unreasonable and nonsensical after quitting the Wild Turkey, because he's not talking about that stuff.

According to the publishers, “Decision Points” will offer a never before heard account of such historic events as the 9/11™ attacks (as in how the book “My Pet Goat” ended), and the 2000 presidential election (including the strategy to illegally disqualify a multitude of Florida voters). The book will offer a candid and frank account of Bush’s decision-making process, and also detail some of Bush’s relationships with his family and other personal details.

“Decision Points” is actually not the first title considered for the tome. A source at the publishing house who asked not to be identified, claimed rejected titles included: “George W. Bush: Hand Picked By God, Who Has Excellent Taste By the Way,” “You and Me Against the World - Bush and Blair: A Different Kind of Love Story,” “The Saudi Prince and I,” and “No Plan Other Than To Attack.”