It Ain't Easy, Being Greene

After winning the Democratic nomination for South Carolina's U.S. Senate seat four weeks ago, mystery man Alvin Greene, who won in a landslide of 30,000 votes over well established opponents despite never campaigning or being heard of before his name showed up on the ballots on election day, is getting fed up with all the attention being paid to his meteoric career. 



Reporters are finding increasingly hard to meet the mystery man, facing no-show appointments, and Greene's petulant refusal to talk on the phone or in person, shouting "Go! Go! Go! Go!" while avoiding eye contact with one. "Being invisible and an unknown worked for him once, perhaps he's just stickin' with the same strategy" said Craig Paper, SC Democratic Party spokesman. Many political figures have stated that the taciturn candidate's story is too good to be true and a likely Republican trick. Meanwhile, Greene, who once earned the nickname "Turtle" in school for being a quiet, withdrawn boy, has locked himself in his room and declared "I'll come out when it's time for the full election, meantime, could someone loan me the filing fee, no wait, I forgot I saved up for it. Never mind."