Prince to Internet: You’re Through!

Bad news for amateur porn lovers and Twitterers everywhere – Prince, His Purple Majesty, has declared the Internet to be officially over.   You'll never jerk off under your keyboard or tell people what you just ate for lunch or post pictures of yourself drunk again!

The pop star told a British newspaper, “The Internet is so over - basically, because I said so.  I don’t watch porn when I can look in the mirror and I have plenty of crazy cats at home that act silly for me on demand.  The Internet is just like MTV, which was great when it launched and played videos by ME and that other guy, Michael something, but now it’s over. Even a Bananarama video or one by Belinda Carlisle before she got fat after quitting coke would still be preferable to seeing those vile kids from the Jersey Shore.  Yes, MTV is dead and so is the web. That’s why I’m releasing my new single via CD in the newspaper.*  Now there’s a form of media I can believe in!”

Prince has also insisted that we won’t be seeing him on Youtube and he has gone so far to close down his own official website.  We’re guessing we probably won’t see him at the Grammy Awards either. 

*In cities where they are still sold.