Rehab to Be the New Lohan Family Business

Los Angeles - It could be the biggest thing to hit California (in the nuts) since the Beverly Hillbillies!  Michael Lohan, absentee father extraordinaire, has finally figured out a way to spend quality time with troubled daughter Lindsay – he’s opening a rehab center!

He told Radar OnLine EXCLUSIVELY (as if they have any other kind of scoop) "Yes, it's, true, I'll be running it," Lohan told them.  "I think it's time that Dina and I both step out of the media for a while, and for me that means getting back to what I know best -- helping people with addiction.”

He also insisted that God would be a major element of focus for addicts in his recovery programs.  When reached for comment, God told us, “I will not be speaking through Michael Lohan, that’s for sure.  He’s not even convincing when his attorney, Lisa Bloom, speaks for him.  Thou can’t throw a stone in Los Angeles without hitting a drug and alcohol rehab center.  I think Lohan would serve me better by building a rehab center for rageaholics that feel the need to kick their girlfriends in their parts where I have commanded them to be fruitful and multiply.”