Bristol Palin Already a Big Loser on “DWTS”

Hollywood – Man, as if it wasn’t bad enough to be breaking up with Levi Johnston every other week and still trying to take off the baby weight, and then having to take dancing advice from Kate Gosselin (instead of a double leg amputee), now Bristol Palin’s security while performing on “Dancing With the Stars” tonight has been put on the back burner.  How’s THAT for self-esteem building exercise?

Half-term governor and stand-up comedian, Sarah Palin, will be there to cheer her daughter Bristol on tonight while she dances to “Mama Told Me Not To Come (inside of you),” on the season premiere of the hit reality TV show.  Officials at CBS Television City insist that security will be very tight and if anything happens, they have been told that “Sarah is a higher priority than Bristol.”  Ouch.

A studio insider told Unsolicited Drivel, “It’s true.  The place has been put on high alert even though Palin isn’t running for anything or is even a government official, or has any official capacity, whatsoever, other than mom.  But we’re treating her like she’s special because that’s what we were told she demanded, and maybe if people continue to meet her demands for special treatment for the next 18 months or so, the entire country might finally be convinced that she’s something more than a money-grubbing grifter.  She can hope anyway.”

UPDATE: Bristol's score was 666! Does that make her a child of the devil? I think we already have the answer to that question!

"The Situation" has just issued a statement that he plans to fist bump "Bristin Palin."  Does that classify as a security breach?