Walgreen's Not Gaga for Customer’s Saggy Ass

Moorehead, MN – A 37-year-old self-proclaimed non-conformist woman found out she was mistaken about society’s inattentiveness earlier this week when she claimed she would be able to do her shopping unnoticed in nothing but a thong, pasties and whipped cream. Katherine Margaret Watson walked into a Walgreen’s in her whipped cream get-up on Sunday night hoping to go about her business without anyone batting an eye, only to be handed a beach towel from the sale bin and then told to cover up.

One store employee told police, “She just shuffled in around 11pm and I think she was trying to do her best Lady Gaga impression while she just stood there in line to pay for shaving cream. I didn’t get the whipped cream reference as Lady Gaga was last seen wearing meat.  We don’t sell any meat per se at the Walgreen’s, but she probably could have done a decent impersonation with some beef jerky or red fruit leather, as Slim Jims would never provide adequate coverage.  Especially not in her case.”

Regardless of which food product Watson chose to wear, instead of being rewarded for her non-conformity, she was given a citation for indecent exposure and a free ride home as soon as the police spread garbage bags across the backset of their cruiser.