First Stupid Monday in October

Washington, DC - The Extreme, er, excuse us, Supreme Court ruled today that the NSA does not have to reveal whether or not it has warrantless wiretaps on Thomas B. Wilner, a lawyer defending one of the Guantanamo Bay detainees, who had sought the information in a Freedom Of Information Act (FOIA) request. The Court, considered by many to be leaning farther to the right than the tower of Pisa, also ruled that the NSA, who was the subject of the request, doesn't have to reveal what the letters NSA stand for, doesn't have to stop calling Wilner a "Poopy-head," and doesn't have to pay for the Domino's pizza they just had delivered (although Lead Justice John "Crazy-Right-Wing-Eyes" Roberts suggested they give a generous tip). Antonin "Tony the Lip" Scalia, speaking for the majority, said "dese guys don't desoive no defense anyways. What kind of udda trait'rous behavior might Wilner be up to, one wonders?" at which point he looked suggestively at NSA counsel Thom "The Crook" Flatley, who winked. "This is a sad day for lesbians, I mean, um lawyers," said newly minted Justice Elena Kagan, while only-slightly-more-used Sonia Sotomayor nodded wisely. Serial non-talker Clarence Thomas could be seen damping the top of a coke-can with a napkin.