Charles Not in Charge: Sheen Family Seeks Conservatorship

Los Angeles – The Sheen family has expressed growing concern over the well being of their prodigal son Charlie, and is allegedly secretly seeking conservatorship over the troubled one-dimensional, over-paid actor.

A family friend told us: “Charlie’s parents Martin and Janet feel they finally have to step in and it’s entirely because of his health.  I know what you must be thinking, what about their fear of Charlie being arrested?  Well, it’s obvious he’ll never match his dad Martin’s arrest record of 70 times for political activism, as it would appear that Charlie could build a six-foot snowman on his front lawn made entirely out of Peruvian flake cocaine, let a bevy of hookers dry-hump it, and the L.A. police still wouldn’t arrest him - even if it was on videotape – and downloaded on Youtube like a kajillion times.  I have no idea if they plan to force-feed Charlie Velveeta Cheese grits to get his strength back like the Spears family did with Britney.  They do need to take control of his finances though so he can’t purchase any drugs.  My guess is they will restrict his spending to only insanely overpriced antique watches and funny hats.”