Glenn Beck Upset That Charlie Sheen Seems to Have Stolen His Corner on Crazy

New York – Fox News host and self-proclaimed rodeo clown Glenn Beck has grave cause for concern.  Ever since his “Restoring Honor” rally in August, he has lost a third of his audience, and now he may be losing the corner on crazy too -- and the latter dilemma is all thanks to sitcom star Charlie Sheen.

Beck has been dropped in both New York and Philadelphia radio markets – two of the biggest – and Fox News is rumored to be now contemplating a future without him when his contact comes up for renewal in December.

Over the weekend, troubled-one-dimensional-actor™ Charlie Sheen began broadcasting via the Internet on UStream, and there already seem to be eerie similarities to Beck’s show, causing this reporter to believe that Beck should INDEED be concerned.

Unsolicited Drivel spoke with our media analyst for comment about the possibility of Charlie Sheen as the new Glenn Beck.  He told us:

“First let’s examine some Beck comments from the past and how they can relate to Sheen:

Beck: ‘You know, we all have our inner demons. I, for one — I can't speak for you, but I'm on the verge of moral collapse at any time. It can happen by the end of the show.’

It would appear that NOBODY has more inner demons than Charlie Sheen, and Sheen has already made the leap to infotainment via his UStream show, Sheen’s Korner.  I can’t say how many viewers Sheen has for sure, but new comments from them were showing up via Twitter roughly every nanosecond.

Beck: ‘You can get rich making fun of me. I know. I've made lots of money making fun of me.’

Charlie Sheen seems more than capable of laughing at himself.  He’s also already printed millions of t-shirts and other merchandise in his likeness for others to laugh right along with him on his way to the bank.

On Sheen’s latest UStream broadcast he stated, ‘I’m gonna write my sermons, [and] I’m gonna deliver them like truth torpedoes.’   Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?  Interesting choice of the word ‘sermon’ as you told me yourself U.D. that while you were attending Beck’s rally last August and mixing in undercover with his followers, it seemed more like attending ‘Jonestown Lite’ than any rally to restore honor OR morality.

So, is Beck’s concern about Sheen replacing him really valid?  Well, let’s take a look at the five star qualities needed most:

Charlie Sheen is:
1.    A conspiracy theorist – check!
2.    Paranoid – check!
3.    A self-deprecating clown – check!
4.    A megalomaniac – check!
5.    A complete and total douchebag – check!

In conclusion, I think it’s safe to say that if Sheen adds a chalkboard to his broadcasts this week and starts speaking in air quotes, that Beck can declare his early retirement and Sheen can expect a call from Roger Ailes at Fox simultaneously.”