“27 Club” Denies They Would Ever Admit Lindsay Lohan

Great Beyond – The somewhat timely death of the extremely talented singer Amy Winehouse on Saturday has shined a spotlight on the infamous “27 Club” of musicians who died at that age and the disease of addiction once again.

The loss of Winehouse to a probable drug and alcohol overdose has also sparked speculation about another troubled celebrity, Lindsay Lohan, last seen stumbling around and crying late Saturday night.  Many twisted fans of watching an actual human version of train wreck as it’s happening are already speculating that the 25-year old Lohan will be trading hairstyling tips with Winehouse two years from this month.

Unsolicited Drivel wondered if Amy would be willing to teach Lindsay how to tease her weave into a beehive and contacted the 27 Club via our Ouija board for comment. Acting as the spokesperson for the group, Janis Joplin told us, “Man, are y’all f!@king kidding me? Lindsay Lohan? This group is for musical artists, man. The real deal - which means between ‘Rumors’ and ‘Confessions of a Broken Heart’ that chick's totally disqualified. Y’all may ask, what about Jean-Michel Basquait? Yeah, he was a visual artist, but he was also a founding member of the band Gray. What a load of shit. When I told Jimi what y’all were thinking about Lohan, he damn near choked all over again. The reality is that nobody who ever uses AutoTune will be EVER welcomed into this club.  Hear that, Ke$ha?   In fact, we’ve been petitioning God to strike down that money-hungry dude who invented that fake music bullshit.”