London is NOT Calling Hulk Hogan for Riot Control

London – Wrestler Hulk Hogan was interviewed on the BBC Radio 5 Richard Bacon program today and offered to help “crack heads” of the hooligans rioting in London. The reality TV father of the year claimed that England needed to “break the cycle of where they were raised, and where they’re at” to address the aggression issues of its youth.

Scotland Yard was quick to react to Hogan’s offer for riot control and very politely declined.  Speaking anonymously, an insider at the law enforcement agency told Unsolicited Drivel,  “I’m sure his intentions are genuine, but we thought it best not to take Hulk up on his offer.  I dare say he is little long in the tooth for these unruly youths to relate to, as most of them are much closer in age to his ex-wife’s current boyfriend who only recently finished puberty.  And while I’m sure that it could be a jolly good method for crowd control to have one of Hulk’s drunken offspring plow right on through the riot with his or her sports car, sadly, we’ve also poo-pooed that idea as well.  Truth be told, our biggest concern was the possibility of Hulk showing up in person and sweating anabolic steroid run-off onto the rioting kids as they are quite crazy enough already without any performance drug enhancement.”