Whoopi Goldberg Single-Handedly Puts an End to TSA Screeners’ Hijinks

New York – New York Magazine reported over the weekend that a woman traveling recently was shocked to find a note on her vibrator from the TSA once she reached her hotel that said, “Girl, get your freak on.”  The woman later Tweeted about the incident as she claimed that once she stopped laughing, she felt violated.  And this morning, The View’s own Whoopi Goldberg admitted she always travels with her vibrator too, thus stripping TSA agents nationwide of any future desire to engage in mischief on the job.

A spokesperson for the TSA told Unsolicited Drivel, “I’m sure you can understand that we sometimes get bored on the job.  That’s why we may feel up a toddler or someone who’s being transported in a comatose state now and then.  The vibrator prank was just another way to alleviate boredom.  But now that Ms. Goldberg has confirmed what’s always in her suitcase, I think it’s highly unlikely that sex toys will be inspected and tagged again.  I’m very relieved that she offered the information that she keeps it in her make-up case as we probably would have searched that to see if there was a joint in it, or whatever drug it is she takes to keep from strangling Elisabeth Hasselbeck with one of her scarves.”