Yoko Ono Denies Herman Cain Rights to Use “Revolution 9” in Campaign

New York – John Lennon’s widow Yoko Ono has denied GOP frontrunner Herman Cain the rights to use her late husband’s “Revolution 9” song to try and sell his economic plan to the youth at Occupy Wall Street.

Cain came under fire last week when he implied that if an American was unemployed they should blame themselves – not the government.  His campaign has been trying to do damage control ever since.  

A spokesperson for Cain’s camp told Unsolicited Drivel, “Herman realized that many of the unemployed protesters are equally burdened by debt from student loans.  Then he decided to do what no Republican candidate has ever done before – appeal to young people.  As we saw 99%’ers on TV rolling their own cigarettes in Zuccotti Park, we tried to garner their favor by having Chief of Staff Mark Block smoke during our latest campaign ad they could watch on the Internets.  Unfortunately, because Herman’s smile looked downright demonic at the end of the commercial, it fell flat.  Even the Goth focus group gave it black nail-polished thumbs down.  Then we saw Sean Lennon show up to sing with the protesters and it hit us like a ton of bricks!  These kids want a revolution and Herman wants to promote the number 9 for his economic plan. Then we immediately made the call to Yoko Ono to ask for the rights to "Revolution  9."  Unfortunately, we didn’t realize Yoko studies economics as a hobby and already knew our 9-9-9 plan was just a gimmick.  However, she did reveal that John Lennon was no fan of big, intrusive government and she offered to scream like a banshee over a disco version of Yankee Doodle Dandy at the Republican convention if we need her to.”