Scientists Determine Coffee Consumed at Work Will Always Taste Like Crappuccino

Atlanta, GA - Researchers at the Center for the Study of Things That Suck the Joy Out of Life conducted a recent study and their findings prove that regardless of where you get your coffee, if it is consumed at work it will always takes more like crap than Cappuccino.

CSTTSJOL researcher Roger Mays reported, “It made absolutely no difference if the coffee was purchased from an outside vendor or made in the office.  Just by being forced to consume it in an enclosed environment around people who fake regard for one’s skills and experience, hate to hear about one’s personal life and in particular, one’s kids, and also secretly hope for one’s premature demise to usurp one’s position even though the competition is unqualified, made everyone’s coffee, regardless of their position in the office, consistently taste like crap.  And I’m not talking about that $15 per pound shit those Civet cats poop out.  This has been a truly frustrating unsolved mystery for corporate America for some time.  We hope that our success with this coffee study will now help us raise funds to uncover the even more perplexing joy-sucking scientific mystery behind American workers’ inability to get drunk on Sunday nights.”