Adidas Wants You to Emancipate Yourself From Good Taste With "Shackle Shoes"

As soon as it was confirmed that a new sneaker that features a slavery-type shackle was not a promotional giveaway for the upcoming Quentin Tarantino movie, Django Unchained, it was determined that whoever the person is in charge of marketing at Adidas is a Grand Wizard douche.

This cultural insensitivity on Adidas’ part is perhaps the biggest gaffe since fellow sweatshop-sh*t-shoe manufacturer Nike tried to market the “Black and Tan” to Americans who like compete to get alcohol poisoning before they barf from drinking two tones of ale on St. Patrick’s Day, while infuriating the Irish whose ancestors were brutally killed by the British “Black and Tan” military regiment.  

We at Unsolicited Drivel thought that any shoe manufacturer that could convince kids who can barely afford a Big Mac, let alone crack, to spend over $100 on a pair of sneakers that won’t magically turn them into LeBron James, was allegedly not staffed by mental defectives.  Now we question that assessment.

An insider from Adidas who spoke on condition of anonymity told us, “I don't know what the marketing department’s reasoning was or why you thought that people in marketing are smart.  They could have believed that lately it seems acceptable for just about anyone to use the ‘N-word,’ with the exception of Gwyneth Paltrow,  so folks would find the shoe ironically cool?  Obviously, that’s not the case. I’m not sure what we are going to do with the surplus shoes either.  Maybe they could use them for the detainees down at Guantanamo Bay?  They aren't getting out anytime soon and those Mohammeds are totally used to cultural insensitivity by now.  We could really use the tax write-off too.  Anyway, it was a huge mistake.  But this shoe is still not as bad as the shower sandal they were planning.”

(Not available in Miami Beach.)