Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Dark Knight’s Bane: STFU With the Romney Comparisons Already

Gotham City – The newest diabolical villain in the upcoming conclusion to the Dark Knight Trilogy, Bane, is asking Americans to STFU already with comparing him to GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney.

Speaking exclusively to Unsolicited Drivel, the evil one told us “First off, my name is spelled differently.  Now I know we no longer teach kids how to read in this country, just how to take tests thanks to George W. Bush’s No Child Left Behind failure of a program, but my name has no 'i' in it.  And in neighborhoods where people don’t know how to spell, they aren’t as likely to turn up to vote anyway, so that outraged radio host, what’s his name?  Tush Limpballs or something?  He should just take another snort of Hillbilly heroin and calm down.  The name of my character is just a coincidence and has nothing to do with some liberal Hollywood agenda in Washington because those Democrats they’ve elected to go down there aren’t hardly accomplishing shit.  Unless you count letting oneself being bullied as shit.  In conclusion, I may be some crazy-ass evil industrialist, but I’m no animal abuser like Mitt Romney.  I’d never scare a dog into crapping all over my getaway vehicle’s roof or milkshake a horse to hide his injuries to rip off a buyer.  I like to hurt humans.  They’re the ones who truly deserve it.  Also, haven’t you noticed Romney’s boring as f*ck all and the excitement virtually never stops with me?”

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