Pooper (Movie Review)

Not a lot of people know this, but a religious cult formed after Die Hard 4 to honor the movie as the "suckiest-movie-of-all-time-which-also-happens-and-not-just-coincidentally-to-star-Bruce-Willis." That cult has now been abandoned and all of its members have re-gathered to honor "Looper," which also happens to star Bruce "will not turn down any script" Willis and even more special effects that you won't care about. The movie is about an assassin who lives in the near future (2044), played by Joseph Gordon Levitt, who, as you know from the TV commercial, has to kill a future version of himself, played by Charlton Heston as Bruce Willis.

First, what this movie is not: good. Second, what this movie is: bad. It's not the old-guy-young-guy buddy story you expect, nor is it comprehensible. The plot is very slow and difficult to follow, as Bruce Willis and JGL spar with each other and a bunch of baddies in an attempt to create a future where Bruce Willis movies are outlawed around the world. There's some good action, but you'll be texting your buds* on your cellphone by then, so you won't see it. Also starring Emily Blunt as the actress I can't quite remember although I know I've seen her in other things**. Special appearance by Jeff Daniels as the guy who can't wait to return to The Newsroom. 

Posted by GMan

*At the Oriole's game.
**Recent Matt Damon movie which also made no sense.