Kirstie Alley: EVERYONE in Hollywood Loved Me at One Time or Another

Would you hit me?

Los Angeles - Dancing with the Stars (All-Star outcast) and full-time obnoxious person, Kirstie Alley, is releasing a new tell-all memoir in which she claims pretty much every dude in Hollywood was in love with her if he had a pulse.  Even the late Patrick Swayze, who is no longer here to defend his taste in non-insane women.

Swayze's widow Lisa Niemi is said to be furious with Alley as she had just started to kind of, sort of move on with her life after losing her smoking hot husband of 34 years in 2009. And now her former friend, Kirstie, is making the claim that despite her being from the north and Patrick being from the south when they filmed the movie North and South, Patrick begged her to run away with him, somewhere up north where he could go down south on her.

In addition to Swayze, other men Alley claims to have fallen for her and she for them as well while she was not loving her husband Parker Stevenson included, but were not limited to: John Travolta, Woody Harrelson (even though he was too stoned to notice her) the guy who played "Coach" on Cheers she never even met  (whom she contacted through her Ouija board), Rupert Everett (even though he's the gayest actor in the business), all of the guys who dress up like super heroes on Hollywood Boulevard, and many, many more.

When reached for comment, the entire Hollywood community went on record replying, "Please O.D. on the chosen beverage of the Scientology Community, barley water, until you choke on you own puke.  Thanking you ahead of time."