Area Child Claims Life is Ruined by “Fracked Up” Barbie

Good thing Ken is really gay...

Tuckahoe, VA – An area child complained quite loudly today that her life was now ruined because she received a “fracked up” Barbie from Santa Claus this Christmas.

Little Angela Baker, aged six, told Unsolicited Drivel, “You wouldn’t believe this ugly-ass bitch.  She looks like a freaking flounder for Christ’s sake!  I can't whip that doll out at a tea party!!  I’d be tease-bullied to death.  Mommy was also very upset and believes that Barbie was damaged by the process of fracking, whatever the frack that is.  She said the evil House Majority leader, that Eric Cantor dude, lets this fracking go on in our district. I guess fracking makes your face fall off eventually or some other bad stuff?  She also said it was probably this fracking thing that caused the great earthquake of 2011 which made one bottle of Sunny D.  fall off the shelf at the Food Lion.  I still don’t know who this Cantor guy is, but I’d really like to stick gum in his hair.”