Bosses Nearly Lynched for Only Giving African Americans Off From Work on Presidents Day

Bethesda, MD - Two area CEOs were almost lynched (to a degree yesterday) for only offering the African American employees off on the national Presidents Day holiday.

Malcolm and Montague Doke told Unsolicited Drivel exclusively, “It was ugly day here Acquisitions-R-Us.  We gave the Negroes, we still call them that, a day off because of that traitorous President Lincoln they are so fond of and my Latina maid had told me it was Black History month.  So we thought ‘it’s a double holiday for those folks.  How nice! That almost makes up for everything!! Maybe even for our being paid 47 times the rate of our employees?’  But then the white workers figured it out once they stopped checking Facebook or playing fantasy football.  Thankfully their weapon of choice is an iPhone 5 or one of those Droid phones.  Malcolm said he hardly felt the flying text machine hit his head.”