Instagram Grumpy Over Madonna Girly Shots

The Material Girl herself, Madonna, has only been on Instagram for a couple of weeks, but the picture-centric social media site is already nearly ready to give her rock-hard ass the boot. 

Unsolicited Drivel obtained a copy of Instagram's warning:

Hello Madonna,

It has come to out attention that your account on Instagram which you started to show you still have working lady parts, has violated Community Guidelines. Even though Instagram is owned by Facebook, which still allows pages for fans of date rape (you might find your next boyfriend on one), we still have some standards. We please ask that you:

- Don't share photos that are not yours
- Don't share photos of your new boob job
- Don't share photos of your coochie rejuvenation either
- Don't share photos of your veiny arms
- Don't share material that would offend/attack any group just to stay in the news
- And most importantly, don't post pictures of yourself looking like Joaquin Phoenix during his   craziest of crazy phases     

We strongly suggest deleting previous posts that portray yourself as an aging hag starved for attention, or as someone who can afford to buy children, including those who are 24 and share your bed. Here's a ray of light for you: we value these guidelines and get tired of policing narcissists. It takes away from our time with our X-boxes. So quit it bitch, before we quit you.

Thanks!
The Instagram Team

Mad Madge