Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Woman Plans to Have Most of Her Body Parts Removed Thanks to Actress Angelina Jolie

Knocking out good judgement!
Egg Harbor Township, NJ – An area woman confessed today that she was planning on likely removing most of her body parts thanks to the seemingly extremely brave actress Angelina Jolie.

Ashley Peterson told Unsolicited Drivel, “I’m not going to waste my money on having the $3,000 genetic testing, I’m just going have my boobs removed. If it’s good enough for Angelina Jolie, it’s good enough for me. I don’t even have any family history of the breast cancer. Plus, I can't use my boobs to get work as a stripper because I'm very religious and don't want to try heroin.  That's the only occupation I can find that's hiring around my area.  I’m also thinking of removing my ovaries, my uterus, and my armpits too thanks to Angie.  I don’t even like her movies. Have you noticed that they are kind of about really depressing stuff and most of the people are all sad? I just figure if she’s stellar  enough steal a guy like Brad Pitt, I should do exactly what she does. Even though she confesses she doesn’t have a single female girl friend she can give life saving boob-removing advice to.  I don’t have insurance as like I said, I'm unemployed but I've just decided I'm going to loot my 401k because the notoriously private actress actually broke her silence. When Angie speaks, I listen. Although I'm told I'll have to see a plastic surgeon because superstar cancer surgeons seem to think I'm a moron.  By the way, as soon as Gwyneth Paltrow falls out of love with her colon because she suspects she might have a polyp, I’m yanking mine too!!

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