Former Governor Jan Brewer Excitedly Open to Be Trump’s Possible VP Pick

We're so expert at hatred!

Phoenix, AZ - Former Arizona governor, Jan Brewer, is very excited her name is being floated around as Donald Trump’s possible pick for vice president to make America hate more than it already does.

When reached for comment, Brewer told Unsolicited Drivel, “I didn’t think it was possible to find a candidate that hates Mexicans more than I do??? And he lies constantly! Just like I lied about finding severed Mexican drug cartel heads in the deserts of my adopted home state. I may be no beauty queen like Sarah Palin, but both Donald and I have skin that makes us look like we sunbathe on the actual surface of the sun. Donald even hates chimichangas! Don’t tell him the recipe was invented in America. I’d worry he won’t like me anymore because they serve them in Arizona and I have to admit, that’s the last meal I shared with my other favorite hater, Sheriff Joe Arpaio when we were playing Wheel of Deportation. I will never ‘play the woman card' like Hillary Clinton either. The last time I tried to play the ‘woman card’ the clerk at the Walmart cut it up like I was an identity thief. In fact, they revoked my woman card many years ago. Something about me having as much compassion for women and all of humanity as a scorpion? I don’t really remember…

When reached for comment Secretary Clinton had no words.

Carly Fiorina Updated Her Resume!

It's already on LinkedIn!

Donald Trump Still Working on a Strategy to Offend Almost Every American

Wrong finger, Asshat.

Somewhere in Iowa or New Hampshire – Strategists for alleged billionaire and megalomaniac haircut of manhood, Donald Trump, are scratching their heads of inferior hair today for ideas on how he can offend almost the entire nation before the primaries to guarantee the votes of people with the brainpower of an amoeba. Unsolicited Drivel has been told by a staffer, “We’re not very smart. We’re running out of ideas! We know we can get the Neo-Nazi vote and as of today, that might be enough. He still needs to step up his white supremacy.”

We had a staffer dig through the dumpster at Trump Tower (they aren’t smart enough to shred their paperwork), to see what we could find. In one crumbled up email from a non-secure server here were some of their ideas:

• Insult Asians by telling them they all look alike (Trump forgot they existed).
• Tell Native Americans he will buy all of their casinos because they are not REAL Americans and not worthy of bankrupting a casino.
• Start a Rich Bastards Lives Matter activism group.
• Accuse the Sikhs in America of being Isis if they wear black turbans.
• Insist Carly Fiorina is going through menopause at the next debate debasing all women with hot flashes.
• Tell fast food and Wal-Mart workers on food stamps they are LOSERS!
• Insult a veteran (other than John McCain) who is preferably in a wheel chair, missing legs and gay.

Sorry, kids! That’s all we could find today. No doubt the insults will keep coming from El Trumpo!!!  Keep the faith.