Movie Review: Frances Ha.

If you want to see the best movie made in the last ten years, go see “Frances Ha.” Directed by Noah Baumbach ("The Squid and the Whale") and starring and co-written by emerging indie actress Greta Gerwig* as a 20-something dancer who drifts through life as she tries to figure out her career, this black and white film is engrossing from beginning to end. Frances never stays still for a moment, moving from one friend’s pad to another’s, as her life never seems to be stable enough to pay rent or stick to one situation for very long. Although evocative of Woody Allen’s Annie character in his classic 70s film “Annie Hall,” the character is really nothing like Annie, except that both characters are charming and different from others. Gerwig** has some mad charisma that is a big part of the charm of the movie, the realistic dialogue is another, and the cast of interesting characters with whom she intersects, all of whom are flawed and loveable also add to the overall interestingness. The black and white film is also played to great effect, with each scene being picture-postcardably gorgeous. The rapid fire scenes, which seem to leave various characters in her life behind with each camera change, are somewhat evocative of the movie "Slackers," which followed a series of characters in turn, leaving each one behind as  the next one was introduced, although Frances is never left behind. Ultimately, the writing is what puts this movie over the top: it’s simply an excellent look into the life of a person who might be you or I, a person whose story began before the movie started, and continues on after the movie ends, with not much being solved during the time the movie is on. Kind of like real life.

Posted by: GMan

*Totally used as wallpaper on the shit-storm on arrival that was Russell Brand in the remake of "Arthur."

**The thinking person's Lena Dunham.

Russell Brand Demands Kardashian 4-Way; America Throws Up in Own Mouth

Los Angeles – Comedian and alleged actor Russell Brand made the entire country throw up in it’s own mouth last evening by fantasizing out loud about having a four-way with the Kardashian sisters.

Appearing on the talk show Chelsea Lately (as the only guest host Chelsea Handler probably would not want to bang) he made his admiration obvious to the attention whore sisters.

Unsolicited Drivel contacted Brand for comment about his fantasy date.

U.D.: “Firstly, Russell, uh, it’s nice to meet you. I guess. Did you ever notice that you have played the role of ‘Aldous Snow’ at least four times even though the character’s name had been changed in different movies?”

R.B: “Blimey!  I never noticed that Drivel Lady! But I have ADD you know love!”

U.D.: “Well, you might want to have a little discussion with your agent about that or stay off the movie screen for a good while so people forget.  Anyway, why the Kardashian sisters?”

RB: “Well, those lassies seem game for anything.  They've even sniffed their bloomers on TV!  I don’t know what Armenian coochies smell like and I’d like out for meself.  I imagine, Ishkhan, Sig; some kind of lake trout like they have in their homeland? I dunno! My ex-ball and chain’s mum, Katy Perry’s, would never approve of such an orgy as she’s very religious.  I bet the Kardashian’s mum Kris would even shoot the sex tape!”

U.D.: “You do realize you will still be playing ‘Aldous Snow’ in the sex tape, right?”

RB: “I guess I hadn’t thought that far ahead love. Better up me Adderall.”

Hatred Targets Getting Scarcer, Westboro Baptist Church Labels Russell Brand a “FAG”

I'm not a pimp yet mates.

Los Angeles – Having no deceased gay soldiers to try and demonize for their grieving families this week, or celebrity sinners who have recently passed to Photoshop themselves into pictures picketing their funerals, two members of the Westboro Baptist Church targeted self-proclaimed comedian and box office murderer Russell Brand as being gay.

While taking time away from his hobbies of breaking paparazzi’s iPhones or allegedly side-swiping homeless people with his car, Brand hosts a talk show on a TV network where most of the viewers have never even heard of the Westboro Baptist Church, Brand X on cable's FX , and invited two of their more notorious members on - Steve Drain and demon spawn of founder Fred Phelps, Timothy Phelps.  After insisting that Brand was a “fag pimp” the three played a fun(?) game to decide just who was going to hell – which included beloved Hollywood actor Tom Hanks.  Only guessing here...because he dressed as a woman in the sitcom Bosom Buddies?  Oh no! That means Tom Hanks must not only going to hell, but he’s going to TRANSVESTITE HELL?!?

Unsolicited Drivel spoke with Mr. Phelps after the taping of Brand X because it seemed like an odd choice for him to appear on the show. Then again, everything the Westboro Baptist Church does is odd.  Anyway, Timothy told us, “You’re right about Hanks.  Even though he played a retard, and all of them git an express ticket to heaven, he played that transvestite so he’s going straight to hell.  Madonna?  No question there.  I said Gandhi’s going to hell cause he didn’t eat no food given to him and that’s a gift from God.  Or whatever them Hindys worship.  An eight armed elephant or something?  I dunno.  They think ‘fags’ are cigarettes in England but that Brand feller IS a HOMOsexual.  After all, he went and married that good Christian gal Katy Perry and didn’t want to have no sex with her for the rest of his life. What in Jesus’ name was that limey bastard thinkin’?  That ALONE makes him a F-A-G!  Plus, all them British guys are fags.  God hates the British!!!”

UPDATE: We have been reminded by a concerned reader that Tom Hanks played "one of those AIDS fags" in Philadelphia. Our bad for forgetting that performance! But Tom was so convincing as a half-dead dude Reagan wouldn't provide life-saving research for that he was almost unrecognizable.  But it's HELL for Hanksy for sure.