Elton John Has Decided Jesus Was Gay

Elton John has revealed in an upcoming interview that Jesus way gay. Just when we were starting to get jazzed about Jesus again because McDonalds brought back the Filet O’Fish commercial and Peeps were already in stores, in comes the supreme mean queen and suddenly……… NO!  DO NOT go there because we really don’t care whether or not the Son of God was slight in the sandals -- although, he did hang out with a lot of dudes if you think about it. You should never discriminate against someone because of their sexual preference....only because of their personality. However, what we DO care about is Elton John’s need to stink up pretty much everything other than Jesus. (Jesus is above him.  Literally.)   Grammys schmammys.  Who RECYCLES a song for a supposed close friend’s funeral?  Oh, and thanks for barfing on Broadway, by the way E.J. “Can you hear the schlock tonight?  Dee dee dee dee dee…”  Elton’s theory about J.C. is that he was gay because he was super compassionate and intelligent….and straight guys are well, not? Okay, maybe you could fit the ones that are in a phone-booth, but still? Kidding!!!  Regardless, Jesus was never a fan of stereotypes and probably hasn’t even enjoyed one of Elton’s albums since “Captain Fantastic” either.  Hey, if Elton can make bold assumptions, we can too!  And we only recycle trash.