Honestly, Honesty Has No Place in the Workplace

Bradenton, FL – Who knew lying could be so satisfying?  To tell the truth, an area woman today got an unexpected surprise after lying to a co-worker, as it felt really pretty darn good. Tina McGreevy offered, “I can’t believe the attitude some of these people walk around here with at AHOL Consulting. Like they’re splitting the atom back there in their cubicles, as opposed to running a rotisserie baseball gambling ring on their computers. Or whatever it is they are doing all day. Everything’s always a crisis too. From the look on their faces, you’d think the reason they were a half hour late today would be because they woke up in a bathtub full of ice with just one kidney, but no…it would be only because they are self-involved nimrods nursing a hangover as everyone around here starts their weekends on Thursday nights. So this A.E. comes running up to me this morning, all out of breath and asks if I have a cell phone number of one of his subordinates who's traveling. So I reply, ‘uhhh (long pause)…no.’ Even though I did, but technically it was in my personal address book and technically, the person whose number it was would beat the snot out of me if I gave it out, but how would this dork know? Except for the fact that I let it be known from my tone of voice THAT I WAS LYING!!! And he repeats, in disbelief, ‘you don’t?’ And I reply, ‘uh… no,' watching his face turn red as he stomped off. Gosh, that was pleasurable. I mean, I’ve always made it a point to be truthful, but as only the liars in this company are promoted, why bother?   Then again, they are only promoted to positions where they are complete figureheads who can’t wipe their asses without an amendment to the company charter.  But still, lying with the intent of making no pretense about it? This could be a whole new sideline for me to torment people. It’s more fun than making fake boogers with my glue stick and leaving them all over the counter on the coffee bar.”