Lawmaker Suggests Maybe Children Should Just Go Ahead and Harvest Their Own Food to Combat Childhood Obesity

Washington, DC – Michelle Obama unveiled her campaign to combat childhood obesity today and she informed us that one in three children is obese in America and that in addition to physical health problems, overweight children can also experience psychological problems and let’s face it - no government is going to pay for a $350 per hour shrink. Not even Obama’s.  The first lady also suggested that even if a child is to consume one vegetable per meal, they can still live to adulthood. She also urged that we make food labels easier to read which is great news for unemployed graphic artists as there are just as many kids who can’t read as kids who can only identify foods that could last so far into the future that they could someday help new and improved species to identify what went wrong with ours.  Childhood obesity is a nationwide epidemic, but how do we keep our children from growing from side to side without sidestepping the need for congressional wallets to continue to grow? A recent study suggested that by merely ditching a daily Dr. Pepper, kiddies could avoid a visit to the doctor, combat the fat and win the battle of the bulge. Schools sell soda to help them reach their budget goals with a lack of state funding, but in a shortcut move to avoiding the necessary funds, one congressman has already come up with a maverick* idea. Wiley Smightenton (R – Mississipp’) suggested, “Mebbe if we had the youngin’s out in the fields picking everah day, they’d get enough exercise so’s they’d be too tired to even eat?  It would be a helluva lot easier on the state budgets than re-hiring all of them PE instructors we’ve been layin’ off.”

*™SSP (Spineless Sarah Palin)