Raising a Together Tyke in Trying Times

Ask any expectant mother about her dreams for her bundle of joy, and in this awful world climate, she will reply something like, “I just want my child to not beaten to death over a misconstrued Internet post, not become a coal miner, or go to Iraq.”  Simple goals, it’s true, but we know that happiness is not that simple.  Especially if as an adult, you end up going to jail after murdering your kid for bullying.   And, it’s hard to have a sunny disposition when the genetic hand you’ve been dealt has about as many fingers intact as that guy who had the M-80 accident that works at the Royal Fresh, who screams at you when you put the change on the counter to pay for your 5-Hour Energy with sticky quarters, and he can’t pick them up.  So what do happy people have in common, other than shared bodily fluids?  As a new parent, the all-important question might be, “what can I do to increase the odds that my child will be happy without having to surf the Internet for porn or sext 24/7?”  Here are some suggestions:

1. Accept your child for who he/she is - Not who you think he/she could be if they only had a lame, vapid, whole note pop song routine, and could win or place on “American Idol.” (Provided they could restrain themselves from laughing while singing upon sighting Simon’s moobs or Ellen's lack thereof, up close and personal.)
                                                                                                        
2. Get righteous about rituals - Whether it’s just eating Kraft Mac and crack together daily, or regularly reading from the National Enquirer and catching up with who John Edwards is banging each night, nothing is more precious to the family unit than establishing traditions at home.  Like setting fire to Hot Pockets in the microwave and passing down a burn relief remedy from your great-great-grandmother – who only had “pigs in a blanket” back in her day.  These precious and agonizingly predictable moments make a child feel safe and protected…at least from ever getting around to their homework.

3. Be a Good Community Citizen - Active participation in your community sends at least two important messages to your child – 1.) You’re not afraid to leave the house, despite what the neighbors might think… and, 2.): Social Services is much less likely to show up after noticing your black-out blinds are always closed if they occasionally see you volunteering at the PTA “Help Us Afford Schoolbooks for More Better Learning” fundraiser.  And your child can learn from your example, as even young kids can discover the satisfaction of giving back, and most likely, they will give as good as they get.