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- Buddha petitions for Tiger Woods to convert to Mormonism.
- Actress Susan Sarandon was reportedly vomited on by a transsexual at a burlesque club in New York. It has not been confirmed yet if this was because she’d been seen wearing plaid during Fashion Week.
- Man thinks he can become a cosmetics industry giant solely due to ability to formulate words like: rejuvinoxin, oxyrevitaloids, and hyperporeosity.
- Pundits insist that the GOP has stolen Obama’s mojo, but so far he adamantly refuses to enlist Austin Powers' help in relocating it.
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