Scientists Find "Master Switch" Gene for Being an A-Hole

London – Scientists have accidentally stumbled upon the gene responsible for making someone an asshole and it should help them to finally be able to do real research for the explanation behind what makes a person anything from a mildly passive-aggressive dick, to a complete and total narcissistic douche. 

In a study published in the journal Nature Over Nurture, British geneticists say that provided the subject is not a full-blown sociopath, being an asshole can also lead to other ailments such as heart disease, stroke, boner and butt cancer.  Regulating the asshole gene can help them target drugs to treat these illnesses for those subjects that are not lost causes so that they won’t be dying slowly in addition to being lonely when they are sitting home on Saturday nights.

A researcher on the project told Unsolicited Drivel, "The A-HOLE-14 gene seems to act like a master switch in the brain for turning someone from nice to nasty.  We’re working hard to understand this process so we can slow it down to prevent the overpopulation of assholes.  However, we don’t have enough funding on this project to address the ass-hat gene as well.”

It’s believed that more than half a billion people worldwide, or one in 10 adults can be considered assholes.  Not too surprisingly, the genetic mutation seems to be restricted to the wealthier nations.