Bleach Deprived Bimbo Busted for Bikini-Scaping While Driving!!!

CUDJOE KEY, FL- Risks associated with distracted driving, in addition to occasional death, now include a chance of developing unsightly ingrown hairs – at least in designated flake state - Florida. Megan Barnes, of Cudjoe Key (might be more at home on “Cujo” Key), Florida, crashed into a pick-up truck because of driving with her Daisy™ dragging around down there while behind the wheel.  Barnes crashed into the other vehicle at 65 mph and drove along another half mile or so on the way to her boyfriend's house before being pulled over by police.  Doesn’t she watch Queen Oprah who has banned distracted driving across this great land?!?  Although, looking at her mug shot, she’s probably more of a Jerry Springer type gal.  An even more important question than why did she tell the police the truth (yes, really) - is why was she deforesting behind the wheel??!!!??  Was she concerned that her boyfriend would figure out that the carpet didn’t match the drapes before she officially disrobed…because, we don’t think that would be an issue if he is a sighted person.  And why did she go and dye her roots black when she had such lovely blond hair?!?  Or, risk severing her femoral artery when she could have warmed up wax strips with her cigarette lighter?  To add to her list of charms, she also had a revoked license and no insurance.  Never heard of Geico, bitch?  Nah, probably the only gecko she’s ever known is inside the tread of her tires.  Amazingly, no one was hurt.  THIS time. May she wake up in prison one day soon and find herself covered in Nair.  She belongs in the same place in the hereafter where they are sending crazy McNugget lady.

- Special thanks to a reader in Ithaca, NY who was nice enough to bring this precious jewel to our attention!