J. K. Rowling Won’t Leap Across the Pond for Oscar

Chichester on Muggleshire- Bad news for Harry Potter fans who are allowed to stay up past their bedtimes to watch a boring as hell awards show.  J.K. Rowling has turned down an invite to present the Best Adapted Screenplay award this Sunday at the Academy Awards.  Rowling declined, feeling that the trip all the way from England wouldn’t be worth it.  Some rumors are flying around that it might really have been a case of her not finding her co-presenter, “Twilight” author Stephenie Meyer, a worthy podium mate.  That makes us wonder - could Harry Potter take vampire Edward in a tween fiction one-dimensional character throw-down?!?  Could Hermione bitch-slap Bella? Rowling is insistent that the snub is due to her being too busy on her new book, and she wrote on her website, "the world won't be hearing from me often I am afraid, as pen and paper is my priority at the moment."  We could not tell from her website what her new book is that she is working on due to flash animation so dizzying that we would have needed to be a wizard to get past it.  We’ll toss out a guess though that it will be another Harry Potter book, instead of, what was that detective’s name again?  Beetle Bailey?  Anyhow, the title we would suggest would be: “Harry Potter and the Goblets of Cash.”  We are positive that Harry’s next struggle with him being good and others being evil will spawn another multi-million dollar merchandising opportunity too.  Sources say Rowling has been brooding about the opening chapter of the new book for at least 45 years, so fans should expect the story to be something else - maybe even with a few surprises tossed in that they can't predict themselves - because it’s never quite satisfactory to have more money than the bloody goddamn Queen.