Man Seriously Running Out of Ideas to Avoid Long Talkers

Washington, DC - An office worker, who has become frustrated from receiving entirely too much information from co-workers after making small talk,  reported feelings earlier today of increased anxiety due to his scrambling for a new plan to escape what in his opinion, are needlessly extended conversations.  Calvin Greene admitted, “when I make some lame comment about it being ‘Hump Day,’ all I really want to hear is something like ‘Phew, yeah!’ as I whiz past them narrowly avoiding knocking them down on my way to the coffee machine to get the caffeine I’m going to need muster the energy to speak to the boss without smacking my head on his desk. I don’t want to already hear on Wednesday how they plan to spend their weekend by absorbing the statistics about the efficiency of the new solar-powered water heater they will install themselves, or how they can’t wait to play at their pan flute concert, whatever the f@!k that is.  I’m running out of ideas.  I keep getting reprimanded by H.R. when  I pretend to have Tourette’s Syndrome even though that has been a proven winning conversation killing strategy.  I think maybe I’ll just politely excuse myself and insist I have to go take my Narcolepsy medicine.