Media Speculates On How Long They Can Still Report to Have the Goods on Woods

Isleworth, FL – As Tiger Woods hit the links yesterday to practice, the media was already speculating when their next scandalous story about him would be. While the big story should be whether or not Woods will be ready to compete in the Tavistock Cup, some reporters from tabloid-style publications had other ideas.   Mimi Featherwate, a reporter with Vapid Examiner Weekly stated, “while it’s true that at this point, Tiger’s two-timing…uh, excuse me, I meant fourteen-timing, should be a private matter between him and his sponsors, but its kind of been a slow time for news with no obvious celebrity implosions on the horizon.  But how much ink are we going to spill reporting on him?  Well, if this were the olden days, like in 1990 say, in terms of how much ink, I’d have predicted maybe only gallon, or at the very least, the average amount of ink you could squeeze from a large octopus. But now that we have the Internet, it would be the equivalent to the amount of ink from at least a colossal squid, were it on paper.  Come to think of it though, we haven’t even seen the first tell-all book yet.  So it’s possible that we might keep reporting on Tiger’s infidelities until he becomes worm food or the Earth crashes into the Sun.  Whichever comes first.