China Bans Brother Bob!

Shanghai – Red on red will not be waving their Bic lighters to any of the music from “Blonde on Blonde” this spring as China has deemed Bob Dylan unfit to perform in Shanghai and Beijing.  Perhaps China restricting its internet access has led to their confusion, and they don’t realize that the once counter-culture singer is more likely to be free wheelin’ in a Hoveround in the near future than leading a protest? 

As a result of this snub, Dylan has cancelled the rest of his Asian tour, leaving those fans that are not godless heathens in South Korea and Taiwan just blowin’ in the wind. 

A spokesperson for the Chinese government, under the strictest condition of anonymity, offered this explanation, “you must admit that despite the singer’s face being virtually fossilized, he often looks like he’s wearing the same clothes from 1963 when he marched for civil rights.  We were also extremely confused as to why a Jew would release a Christmas album, which he did in 2009.  Then we found out that he became a Christian in the early 70s – a second strike against him.  We have to work with the information that we are provided, and if that makes us not 100% sure whether or not Mr. Dylan is still a radical, well, then we just can’t take a chance on his performing here.  We don’t want something to happen like it did in 2008 with Björk, when that punk pixie took the stage in a dress that that appeared to be a likeness of the Dalai Lama wrapped around her body, and refused to stop chanting about freeing Tibet to a stunned crowd that was just there to hear her shriek.”